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Could narcissistic traits be complicating your divorce?

Going through a divorce or separation can be challenging enough in normal circumstances, but things can get particularly tricky if your partner displays traits associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

We often see cases where understanding the dynamics of NPD is important for effectively representing our clients during divorce proceedings.

In the first of a series of blogs looking at narcissism in divorce, this article aims to provide a basic understanding of NPD, its main characteristics, and how these traits may complicate your divorce.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

NPD is a recognised personality disorder marked by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a profound lack of empathy for others.

While everyone shows some narcissistic traits at times, NPD is a distinct clinical condition where these traits are persistent, inflexible, and cause distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of life.

How NPD traits appear during divorce proceedings

The characteristics of someone with narcissistic personality traits can have a profound impact on the dynamics of a divorce.

These traits often escalate during proceedings as the person feels a loss of control or perceives the process as a personal threat.

Common patterns include:

Control and manipulation – A narcissistic spouse may attempt to exert control through the legal process, such as by hiding assets, delaying court proceedings, or using child arrangements as a way to manipulate their partner. This can make negotiations and resolutions incredibly difficult.
Emotional abuse – The emotional manipulation that may have been present during the relationship can continue or even worsen during the divorce. This could involve using threats, spreading false accusations, or gaslighting their former partner to destabilise them emotionally during negotiations or court appearances.
Blame-shifting – During the divorce process, a narcissistic spouse may blame their former partner for the breakdown of the marriage, portraying themselves as the victim. This can create a contentious and emotionally draining legal battle, with the narcissistic individual refusing to take accountability for their role in the relationship.
Inconsistent behaviour – Narcissistic traits may manifest in unpredictable behaviours, such as agreeing to terms one day and then backing out the next or alternating between cooperation and hostility. This inconsistency can be a deliberate tactic to unsettle the other party and gain leverage.
Difficulty with compromise – Narcissists may view the divorce as a “win-lose” scenario, often refusing to compromise on financial settlements, property division, or child arrangements. Their unwillingness to engage in cooperative solutions can lead to prolonged legal disputes.

Understanding how these traits appear during the divorce process will not only help you when it comes to managing the legal proceedings but also for safeguarding your emotional well-being.

We have extensive experience assisting clients through complex family law matters, including those involving high-conflict situations and difficult personality dynamics.

We can help protect your interests and guide you toward the best possible outcome.

Look out for the rest of the blogs in this series, where we will offer practical advice and strategies for anyone dealing with narcissism during a divorce.

In the meantime, contact us today for a confidential consultation to discuss your situation. We are here to help.

Stuart Daniel

Director – Head of Family Department

I qualified as a Solicitor in 2006 and now specialise in divorce, financial settlements, childcare arrangements and Pre Nuptial Agreements. I have many years’ experience as a private family lawyer having worked with two other local firms before returning to Mander Hadley, where I first undertook work experience during my university studies.