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How to protect yourself legally when divorcing a narcissist

If you are facing a divorce and your spouse shows narcissistic traits, you may find yourself navigating relentless manipulation, legal stalling tactics, and an ex-spouse determined to maintain control.

The latest in our series of blogs on dealing with a narcissist during a divorce focuses on how to protect yourself and the legal strategies you need to emerge with your assets and peace of mind intact.

Take control of your finances early

Narcissists thrive on control, and financial manipulation is one of their favourite tactics.

You might find yourself dealing with hidden assets, reckless spending, or attempts to cut you off financially. Get ahead by:

Securing copies of all financial records, including bank statements, pension details, and property deeds.
Setting up a separate bank account for your income and ensuring you have independent access to funds.
Freezing joint accounts or placing restrictions to prevent large withdrawals.
Considering a forensic accountant if you suspect hidden assets.

A court can make a Financial Order to ensure a fair division of assets, but having a full financial picture before proceedings begin will strengthen your position.

Protect yourself from coercion and abuse

A narcissistic spouse may not stop at financial control, they may also resort to intimidation, threats, or coercive behaviour. If you feel unsafe or under pressure:

Keep a record of any incidents, including messages, emails, and phone calls.
Consider applying for a Non-Molestation Order to legally prevent further harassment.

If you fear being pushed out of your home, an Occupation Order can grant you the right to stay while preventing your spouse from returning.

The more evidence you have, the stronger your legal protection will be.

Be strategic with communication

Engaging in arguments or responding emotionally to a narcissist’s provocations can give them the reaction they crave. Instead:

Keep all communication in writing. This prevents them from twisting conversations later.
Use our solicitors as a buffer when necessary.
Stay factual and brief in your responses. Do not engage in their emotional games.

This approach makes it harder for them to manipulate situations and keeps a clear record of interactions.

Safeguard child arrangements

If children are involved, expect them to become part of the narcissist’s game. They may attempt to control access, alienate them from you, or use them as leverage.

To counter this:

Apply for a Child Arrangements Order to formalise custody and visitation.
Document any attempts at parental alienation.
Keep communication about the children child-focused, avoiding personal attacks or emotional engagement.

A clear court order reduces their ability to manipulate the situation.

Prepare for a drawn-out process

Narcissists rarely settle easily. They drag things out, hoping to wear you down emotionally and financially. Be ready by:

Setting realistic expectations. This may take longer than a typical divorce.
Working with our family law solicitors to develop a long-term legal strategy.
Exploring mediation only if it is a safe and practical option.

With patience and persistence, you can see it through to the finish line on your terms.

By securing your finances and standing firm against manipulation, you can protect yourself and build a new, independent future.

If you need expert legal guidance on dealing with a narcissist during a divorce, our family law team is here to help. Contact us today for confidential advice.

Stuart Daniel

Director – Head of Family Department

I qualified as a Solicitor in 2006 and now specialise in divorce, financial settlements, childcare arrangements and Pre Nuptial Agreements. I have many years’ experience as a private family lawyer having worked with two other local firms before returning to Mander Hadley, where I first undertook work experience during my university studies.