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The end of a marriage is inevitably a painful time, and the divorce process has often been characterised with the language of warfare, where divorce is something to be “won” or “lost.”
However, such a combative approach to divorce is rarely productive, and is likely to increase the emotional toll on you, your ex-partner, and any children or other family members involved.
The introduction of “no-fault” divorce a few years ago has helped to shift the divorce process from one of blame to one of resolution, making it much easier for couples to achieve a “good divorce.”
By avoiding a process that encourages hostility, you can build a more positive future for you and your family.
it may feel like negotiations over the division of assets and child arrangements is a battle, it can help to shift your mindset.
There are steps you can take to reduce damaging conflict and to get your new life off to the best start possible.
A divorce can be a chance for a new start and you want to ensure your new life gets off to the best possible start.
To avoid divorce becoming a battleground, you need to stop thinking of it as one.
Try shifting your mindset to view divorce as a process whereby you and your ex-partner will separate in a way that respects your wishes, protects your children, and enables you to move forward in your lives.
Taking a future-focused approach can also help.
While it’s easy to think of divorce as rooted in the past and ending something, it is also a chance for a new beginning.
Thinking about what you want from your new life can be a good way of making divorce a constructive rather than a destructive experience.
Any attempt to punish your ex for their past transgressions is unlikely to be helpful in divorce, simply fuelling conflict and leading to worse outcomes for everyone.
This includes forcing your ex into unnecessary court proceedings.
While there are some circumstances in which going to court is necessary (such as in cases of domestic abuse or unreasonable treatment), many divorces and their accompanying disputes can be resolved away from the courts.
Additionally, many courts are overfilled, and this results in many families waiting for long periods to complete their divorce. This often leaves complicated arrangements for financial matters and childcare until courts become available.
No matter how justified you may feel in seeking vengeance, treat the divorce process and your ex-partner with respect.
This will help to achieve a quicker resolution and reduce the negative impact on any children involved.
It is almost inevitable that conflict will arise during the divorce process, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be reduced or managed effectively.
Attending mediation can help you to resolve disputes and make arrangements in a calm, collaborative environment.
A trained mediator will listen to both of you without judgement and help you work together towards a mutually acceptable solution.
Mediation also has the benefit of being quicker and cheaper than court proceedings.
Making efforts to reduce confrontation and putting the interests of children first is a big part of preventing divorce from becoming a battleground.
Children should not be treated as another asset to be fought over, nor should they be dragged into marital conflict or made to “pick a side.”
Throughout the whole process, it is important for you and your ex to remember that, while your relationship with each other has changed, your relationships with your children have not.
Your children have the right to continue to have a loving relationship with both of you, and it is usually in the best interests of the child to maintain contact with both parents.
If you’re planning to attend mediation, you can opt for a trained child-specialism mediator who knows how to include children in mediation.
This can help your children to express their thoughts and feelings and have a say in the decisions that will affect them.
Compromise is vital in reaching an agreement that is likely to be sustainable in the long term, rather than a source of continuing conflict.
You will have to accept, for example, that you may not be able to see your children every day as you once did. While this will feel difficult, remind yourself that it is important for your children to maintain a relationship with their other parent.
The flip side is that compromising too much is also likely to lead to an unsustainable outcome that you will find yourself resenting.
An experienced family lawyer can help you and your ex-partner work towards a solution that is fair to both of you and also works for your children.
The divorce process is governed by detailed legislation that is not always easy to follow. Following the misinformed advice of friends and family can result in errors that mean you don’t get what you are entitled to.
A trained family solicitor can offer early legal advice and help guide you towards managing your divorce in a constructive and amicable manner.
You will also find it beneficial to have an objective view of the situation from someone who is not emotionally invested.
Although it is usual for difficult issues to arise, a skilled and sensitive approach with the support of our experienced family lawyers can help you get through your divorce without it becoming a battleground.
Divorce is never easy, but with a proactive approach, mutual respect, and a commitment to working together, you can minimise the negative impact of divorce and achieve a solution that meet everyone’s best interests.
Mander Hadley’s family law solicitors are experienced in helping couples to manage conflict and put the best interests of any children first.
Our family lawyers are here to support you through your divorce. Contact us today to discover how we can help.
Director – Head of Family Department
I qualified as a Solicitor in 2006 and now specialise in divorce, financial settlements, childcare arrangements and Pre Nuptial Agreements. I have many years’ experience as a private family lawyer having worked with two other local firms before returning to Mander Hadley, where I first undertook work experience during my university studies.
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