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My child doesn’t want to see me – What can I do?

Divorce and separation can often be more distressing when children are involved, particularly when it comes to child arrangements, visiting rights, and disputes between parents over contact.

However, what happens if your child doesn’t want to see you anymore?

Here’s what you need to know about your child’s rights and what you can do to maintain contact.

Children’s rights under the law

Under UK law, children’s rights to have their voices heard in matters that affect them were established in the Children Act 1989.  

Courts are required to consider the child’s wishes and feelings in any decision regarding their welfare, insofar as their wishes and feelings are ascertainable and in the context of their age and understanding.

As children grow older and become more capable of expressing their views, their preferences carry more weight in court decisions. 

In cases where children refuse contact with a parent, courts take these views very seriously.  

They may appoint a Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass) officer to speak with the children and represent their wishes in court.  The Court will consider whether ‘Parental Alienation’ is a feature and may appoint other appropriate experts in that context, and consider whether to list a ‘Fact Finding Hearing’ to determine the validity of the concerns or allegations of Parental Alienation at an appropriate stage.

Don’t I have the right to see my child?

While the law generally supports the principle that children benefit from having a relationship with both parents, there are situations where enforcing contact is not in the child’s best interest.  

This could be due to emotional distress, a child’s strong objections, or parental behaviour.

The welfare of the child is always the paramount concern in family law cases, especially where child visitation and contact are concerned.  

If forcing your child to have contact with you against their will is deemed to be counterproductive and detrimental to their wellbeing, the courts may restrict your visiting and contact rights.

In cases where repeated applications for contact are distressing to the child, you may even be issued with an order preventing you from making any further applications for a set period.

Is there anything I can do if my child refuses to see me?

If your child expresses a wish not to see you, it’s important to approach the situation with sensitivity and understanding.

Remember that divorce and separation can take a profound psychological toll on children.

They might feel anxious, stressed, confused, hurt, and/or angry. Uncertainty over routines, adjusting to different households, and exposure to parental conflict can exacerbate these emotions and lead to underlying issues that strain your relationship with your child.

Attempt to communicate with your child openly about why they don’t want to see you.

You need to be open to the possibility that you may be engaging in behaviours and actions that are harmful to your child.

For example, excessively blaming your ex or making your child feel guilty about spending time with their other parent can make them feel more negatively towards you. Your child might feel that they are unable to express their feelings openly to you without judgment.

Additionally, you might be applying for child contact arrangements that do not serve your child’s best interests.

Taking responsibility for your actions and working to fix any issues can help to restore your relationship with your child.

However, if you are struggling to communicate productively, professional support can be invaluable.

For example, mediators trained in supporting children can help to facilitate constructive, open conversations that enable both you and your child to share your views and come to a mutually acceptable arrangement. In some cases, child inclusive mediation may be possible.

It is important to always keep your child’s best interests at heart and seek legal advice to ensure your actions support their well-being.

Mander Hadley: Here to help you and your children

It can be extremely distressing and confusing if your child refuses to see you.

Whilst you naturally want what is best for your child, it can become difficult when going through a separation to stay focussed on what your child needs and what arrangements would be in their best interests.

At Mander Hadley, our friendly and knowledgeable team of Family Law experts can offer practical guidance on all aspects of child arrangements after divorce or separation.

We approach matters with sensitivity and compassion, and we will always aim to help you collaborate with your family to resolve matters amicably and respectfully.

If your child is refusing to see you, it is important to seek legal advice. Contact our specialist Family Law solicitors today for expert advice and guidance.

Stuart Daniel

Director – Head of Family Department

I qualified as a Solicitor in 2006 and now specialise in divorce, financial settlements, childcare arrangements and Pre Nuptial Agreements. I have many years’ experience as a private family lawyer having worked with two other local firms before returning to Mander Hadley, where I first undertook work experience during my university studies.