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What can I do if my ex refuses to let me see my child?

When a relationship comes to an end, it’s undeniably tough, especially when children are involved.

In some cases, one parent might take extreme steps to prevent the other from seeing their child. This could range from making arrangements to see the child difficult, to more serious actions like attempting to relocate with the child, sometimes even out of the country.

Such behaviour can be distressing, and often, the parent keeping the child away might feel justified, perhaps believing the other parent could be a risk, particularly if unsupervised.

If you find yourself unable to see your child, rest assured there are several steps you can take to restore your access.

Understanding your rights as a parent

In England and Wales, both parents generally have the right to see their child unless there are significant safety concerns.

Family law is guided by the principle that decisions must always be in the child’s best interest, and maintaining a relationship with both parents is typically seen as beneficial.

What steps can I take to see my child?

Separation is difficult for any child, and it’s crucial to minimise the impact on them. Whether you are currently separating or have been apart for some time, try to make the transition as smooth as possible.

Open dialogue – If you and your ex-partner can communicate, start by discussing your desire to see your child openly. You might be able to resolve the issue amicably without escalating to legal disputes.
Consult a family solicitor – If a direct conversation doesn’t resolve the issue, seek advice from a family solicitor. If the solicitor believes there is no legal reason for the restriction, they can write to your ex-partner on your behalf to arrange a suitable meeting time.
Mediation – If your solicitor cannot reach an agreement through direct communication, mediation is the next step. Mediation is a less adversarial and cost-effective way to resolve disputes. A mediator, acting as a neutral third party, helps both parents discuss and agree on a plan. If an agreement is reached, it can be formalised into a Parenting Plan by your solicitor or mediator.
Court application – If other methods fail, you can apply to the court for a child arrangement order as a last resort. This order will outline where your child lives, the visitation schedule, and any other relevant arrangements. Before applying, you must be able to demonstrate that you’ve made reasonable attempts to resolve the matter amicably, as most judges will not accept your application until mediation has been attempted.

Enforcing existing orders

If you already have a court order in place and your ex-partner is not complying, you can request the court’s help to enforce it. Potential measures include:

Warning notices – These notify the non-compliant parent of the consequences of failing to adhere to the order.
Enforcement orders – These may require the non-compliant parent to undertake unpaid work.
Compensation for financial loss – If you’ve suffered financial loss due to non-compliance, the court might order compensation.

Is there anything I can do if my child refuses to see me?

If your child expresses a wish not to see you, it’s important to approach the situation with sensitivity and understanding.

Consider seeking professional support to address any underlying issues – mediation can be helpful in these situations.

Always keep your child’s best interests at heart and seek legal advice to ensure your actions support their well-being.

Final advice

If you’re having difficulty communicating with your ex-partner about maintaining contact with your child, keep detailed records of all communication attempts. This documentation could be vital if you need to go to court.

A solicitor specialising in family law can provide invaluable guidance, assist with paperwork, and represent you if necessary.

Throughout this process, focus on what’s best for your child. Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child and strive to foster a positive co-parenting relationship – even if it’s challenging.

If you need further support, don’t hesitate to reach out to our family law solicitors. We’re here to provide personalised advice tailored to your situation.

Stuart Daniel

Director – Head of Family Department

I qualified as a Solicitor in 2006 and now specialise in divorce, financial settlements, childcare arrangements and Pre Nuptial Agreements. I have many years’ experience as a private family lawyer having worked with two other local firms before returning to Mander Hadley, where I first undertook work experience during my university studies.