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‘It feels like I’m being punished’ – Why family court can seem so unfair and how we help

If you are stuck in the middle of a family court case, you might already know the feeling, you have followed the rules, turned up to hearings, tried to explain yourself, and somehow it still feels like you are the one being blamed.

A recent article from The Times offered a rare look inside the family courts, now that journalists can attend and report on certain cases.

What stood out was not just the legal process itself, but how emotionally raw the whole thing is.

Parents were frustrated, upset, and tired of being told what to do by people who don’t know their situation.

It is no surprise, then, that one father in the article said he felt “punished” by the system.

Why does it feel like that?

The truth is, the court isn’t trying to punish anyone. Its job is to make decisions in the best interests of children.

However, when you are in it, waiting months for a hearing, watching your relationship with your child slip away, or being asked to prove you are a good parent, then it can absolutely feel like a punishment.

Hearings are delayed. The average case now takes 43 weeks. That is nearly a year of uncertainty.

Legal costs are high, so many parents go it alone, without knowing what to expect.

The process is formal and unfamiliar. It’s not designed with stressed, emotional parents in mind.

Judges and lawyers can appear to be focused on facts, not feelings. That can feel cold, especially when your family is at the centre of it.

What difference does legal help make?

We are not going to pretend we can magically make the process quick or painless. However, having someone in your corner who understands how the system works, and who takes the time to understand you, can make a huge difference.

We help people:

Get their side across clearly, without getting lost in the emotion or the paperwork.

Understand what is likely to happen next and how to prepare for it.

Avoid avoidable mistakes that can cost time, energy or contact with your child.

Feel like they have got some control back.

We are not here to speak for you. We are here to help you be heard.

You are not a bad parent because you are finding this hard

Family law cases are hard. The court process does not always make space for how personal and painful this all is. But we do.

Our job is to make this easier to face, and to help you move through it without losing your head or your hope.

If you feel like the system is not listening to you, speak with us today. We are here to change that.

Stuart Daniel

Director – Head of Family Department

I qualified as a Solicitor in 2006 and now specialise in divorce, financial settlements, childcare arrangements and Pre Nuptial Agreements. I have many years’ experience as a private family lawyer having worked with two other local firms before returning to Mander Hadley, where I first undertook work experience during my university studies.