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The forgotten side of divorce

Ask anyone going through a divorce what they’re worried about, nine times out of ten, you’ll hear something along the lines of money or where they are going to live.

However, if you talk to anyone who’s already been through it, they’ll tell you it’s often the little things that blindside you.

The digital leftovers of a divorce

Think about your phone for a second. How many accounts and apps are you still sharing with your ex?

That joint iCloud where every holiday, event and school photo has lived for years.
The shared Gmail address that half your bills still go to.
The blog, TikTok account or YouTube channel you set up to share content of your dog that somehow gathered a small fan club.
The supermarket loyalty card loaded with points.
A PlayStation or Xbox account full of saved progress and paid-for extras.

When you’re a couple, all of these things are brilliant for saving time and making life easier. When you separate, they can become surprisingly messy to untangle.

Subscriptions are also a major factor to consider in divorce, but you can read more about that here.

Digital assets associated with your children

Shared digital life gets even more complicated when children are part of the picture.

Who manages their social media account, if they have one? Which email address is the school using to send updates, and does one parent risk being left out of the loop?

In the grand scheme of things, these are pretty minor details. However, these are matters that can impact how involved you are in your children’s lives.

The pre-booked events and memberships

Aside from all the digital assets you may share, have you thought about what you are going to do with any pre-booked events that you planned to attend together?

Maybe there’s a dream family holiday booked for next year. Maybe you finally got two tickets to see your favourite artist after hours in the Ticketmaster queue. Maybe you share a season ticket for your football team.

After a separation, it suddenly falls to you to figure out who gets to keep or attend these events that carry memories and sentimental value.

Do you sell the tickets so neither of you goes? Are you amicable enough to still attend together? Does whoever purchased them get to keep them and take someone else with them?

There’s no right or wrong way to handle it. Whatever decision you make will likely just come down to what you’re willing to let go of or compromise on.

However, these are precisely the kind of details that can slip under the radar and cause more frustration than you’d expect.

Why it all hits harder than you expect

The truth is that these things don’t cause arguments because of their monetary value. They cause arguments because of what they stand for:

Shared routines
Family traditions
Memories
Happiness

Each one is a reminder that life is changing in a hundred tiny ways. If there’s one thing most people will agree on, it’s that they’re not a fan of change.

Solicitors (ourselves included) will always focus first on the property, the finances and the parenting arrangements. That’s our job.

That being said, we encourage you to talk through everything we’ve mentioned in this article as early as possible.

Ignoring them can leave you unintentionally tied to your ex or cause arguments that feel completely out of proportion.

While handling all of the “forgotten” elements of the divorce won’t take away the sadness or anger that often comes with separating, it definitely makes it a smoother process.

Speak to one of our family law solicitors for further support with divorce matters.

Stuart Daniel

Director – Head of Family Department

I qualified as a Solicitor in 2006 and now specialise in divorce, financial settlements, childcare arrangements and Pre Nuptial Agreements. I have many years’ experience as a private family lawyer having worked with two other local firms before returning to Mander Hadley, where I first undertook work experience during my university studies.